• 8 responses to “A snapping twig, the blowing breeze / The darkness brings a vague unease”

    1. M. Ocho says:

      Congrats to Jerry – do lets share and tell!

    2. Jerry Brace says:

      Thanks Tod – if history repeats itself – you`re next! As in the past, you were winner 2. Now it’s up to you to make us all experience deja-vu! Wow. that was cheesy.

    3. Tod Hughes says:

      Congrats!!

    4. Jerry Brace says:

      Thanks WTD – the mood has been set. Let’s get creative 🙂

    5. Jerry Brace says:

      Thanks Robert – you write amazing stuff. Looking forward to seeing where the song goes!

    6. Walker Todd Davis says:

      hahahhaaa awesome Jerry , starting a song has to be one of the hardest parts . congrats buddy!

    7. Robert S. Hall says:

      Congrats dude. I hate you, but congrats. 😉 Those are some nice lines.

    8. Brad Roberts says:

      Well, Jerry Brace, by now you must have acquired a shield of armor thick enough that I am going to take apart this beautiful lyric piece by piece, and make clear the metrical flow of this couplet. Let’s scan this one carefully. The first line scans like this (to my ears) v / v v / v / v v / The snap of a twig, the shuddering breeze This is not strictly iambic by any means. The word “shuddering” prevents this from happening, and makes this line both an unusual and instructive case. The first syllable is stressed, and the next two are unstressed, making it neither iambic or trochaic. However, the line does have a total of 10 syllables. Interestingly, the second line begins with two feet of iambs: v / v / “The darkness brings…” But the next half of the same line does not maintain the flow: v v / v v / a familiar unease It is still 10 syllables in length, but the feet don’t divide neatly into iambs. Why do I like it anyways? Because Jerry Brace is paying me off with intimate favors? No. Because it gives us images that, put together, are pregnant with possibilities. It lures us in. Further, it sets a mood and a tone with only a handful of simple observations – the dark, the breeze, and the unease this triggers: this is not a description of déjà vous, it is an instance of it. Jerry has shown us, not told us. Nice job buddy. Try to keep up this kind of writing. This stands out in stark contrast to some of your other submissions, which do not share the elegance of this one. This line is a milestone for you. Don’t look back.

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