"Roe Roe Roe your boat/as we wade in some fierce water"
"When the veins of the world bleed onto days of gold and we're painted and tainted with dark"
Marti Dodson commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"I like the conversational tone of the first part of this!
"
"I wouldn't be wishin' that things could be different"
Beth Nielsen Chapman commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Bingo on "tiny little"!! sings soooo good...but "Part" is weak. You could also sing "little tiny" which several folks have written...but I've been waiting for someone to choose "tiny little" because the long "i" in front lays so much better on the melody! See how precise it can be? Makes all the difference. Now. Tiny little what? "
(more)"(a) tiny little part / I know I can find / A switch ta hit that starts"
"Lies fall like rain/ and rain’s coming down in the American underground"
"Where is Walter Cronkite when we need him most Where’s the voice of reason to stop this vertigo"
"Roe Roe Roe your boat/as we wade in some fierce water"
"Whoever took a supreme leak Thanks for the heads up"
"Carl: The Passive Aggressive Ghost (The ghosting of"
"Borders and the lines are gettin' blurred / you feel my love and I can feel your hurt / I don't know your name / but now we're just the same / in our fears"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"I don’t mind the question Ronnie. To me, it’s not a relationship between two people, it’s a relationship of strangers from around the world. I was basically writing about what is currently happening with the pandemic without mentioning it. I felt the first couplet from Kayla set up the idea that nothing is the same anymore.. so I riffed on that. The title has to do with the world, right? Since I am typing this I can’t click over to another page to confirm but isn’t it something like One World? It could have many interpretations but as a writer I tend to go with how I’m currently feeling.. and right now I’m feeling my own fear and everyone else’s and I’m also feeling love and giving love. So to me it’s not about a romantic relationship going bad.. but Kayly’s lines “could” be interpreted that way. Thanks!"
(more)"Borders and the lines are gettin' blurred / you feel my love and I can feel your hurt / I don't know your name / but now we're just the same / in our fears"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Thanks Maria.. that’s a nice thing to hear! ❤️❤️"
(more)"Borders and the lines are gettin' blurred / you feel my love and I can feel your hurt / I don't know your name / but now we're just the same / in our fears"
"Borders and the lines are gettin' blurred / you feel my love and I can feel your hurt / I don't know your name / but now we're just the same / in our fears"
"Borders and the lines are gettin' blurred / you feel my love and I can feel your hurt / I don't know your name / but now we're just the same / in our fears"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Thanks everyone! And thanks Kay for given the song such great lyrics to begin with!"
(more)"Borders and the lines are gettin' blurred / you feel my love and I can feel your hurt / I don't know your name / but now we're just the same / in our fears"
"I will know you're reaching in / Every breath I'm breathing in / I will carry you"
"I will move with memories / in my soul that’s where you’ll breathe"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Did you train your eyes not to cry / To soldier on and keep up the fight"
(more)"Did you train your eyes not to cry To soldier through and keep up the fight"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Thanks. That’s how I meant it. I may write a song with that title. "
(more)"The beat reminds us- to be beautiful thieves - beholden to stolen- moments"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Thanks Grant! I I tried to start it leading to stolen moments and also “slow it” being a set up rhyme in the event that the chorus lands on the title. My thinking anyway.."
(more)"The rhythm of life - hidden hints of time - A second chance for second hands to slow it"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Thank you Meredith! I thought it perhaps could lead us to the thought of stealing moments.. that's where I was going in my head. Thanks!
"
"And we drip- where we walk- til we are forced to crawl- from the ugly to become beautiful thieves"
"When the veins of the world bleed onto days of gold and we're painted and tainted with dark"
"When the veins of the world bleed onto days of gold and we're painted and tainted with dark"
"When the veins of the world bleed onto days of gold and we're painted and tainted with dark"
"When the veins of the world bleed onto days of gold and we're painted and tainted with dark"
"When the veins of the world bleed onto days of gold and we're painted and tainted with dark"
"When the wall grabs your back, up against the world like that, and nerves are creatures out of cracks coming after you"
"And that's all that matters yeah I've learned what matters"
"Try to stop goodbyes from coming... but life is short"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Refers back to the I love you’s in proceeding line"
(more)"Hear them in echos and let them sink in (I feel that when we learn to accept love back, it's a big step too.. might be a better way to say it, but that is the thought behind this line)"
"Hear them in echos and let them sink in (I feel that when we learn to accept love back, it's a big step too.. might be a better way to say it, but that is the thought behind this line)"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Thanks G.T.! We are digging out and doing well! And yeah, I'm glad the idea of accepting love from others resonates with you! Thanks!!"
(more)"Hear them in echos and let them sink in (I feel that when we learn to accept love back, it's a big step too.. might be a better way to say it, but that is the thought behind this line)"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Thanks Keith. This line isn't as clear as I would like it.. so probably not the one, But the thought is there for maybe content elsewhere in the song. In an actual write together we would be discussing all angles, etc.. Glad it resonates! Thank you!"
(more)"Hear them in echos and let them sink in (I feel that when we learn to accept love back, it's a big step too.. might be a better way to say it, but that is the thought behind this line)"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Yeah, we're fine! It was a killer tornado (actually one of three that night) and devastated so many homes and properties. Luckily our house held.. trees didn't but only one fell directly on the house. Once in a life-time experience I hope! ❤️❤️
"
"Hear them in echos and let them sink in (I feel that when we learn to accept love back, it's a big step too.. might be a better way to say it, but that is the thought behind this line)"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Thanks Meredith.! My instinct was heartaches as well. "Heartbreaks" doesn't sing as easily either. "
(more)"Let go of heartaches (heartbreaks) and learn to forgive"
"Let go of heartaches (heartbreaks) and learn to forgive"
Marti Dodson commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"I like the conversational tone of the first part of this!
"
"I wouldn't be wishin' that things could be different"
"I wouldn't be wishin' that things could be different"
"Correction: I wouldn’t be wishin’, how things could be different / I’d know all of the roses cuz I would have chosen to breathe in each one that I found"
"Correction: I wouldn’t be wishin’, how things could be different / I’d know all of the roses cuz I would have chosen to breathe in each one that I found"
"Correction: I wouldn’t be wishin’, how things could be different / I’d know all of the roses cuz I would have chosen to breathe in each one that I found"
"I’d be sitting pretty, on a throne of my memories / I’d have no regrets and I wouldn't be fretting when the ocean will come knock it down"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Thanks Keith. I guess every single grain does have a story.
"
"Each grain had a story, coulda been a memory /But I’ve taken for granted the days we’ve been granted / & even sand castles fall down"
"Can’t gather a minute and try to relive it / It’s all in the past time sure makes sure of that Like oceans will take castles down"
"Can’t gather a minute and try to relive it / It’s all in the past time sure makes sure of that Like oceans will take castles down"
"Can’t gather a minute and try to relive it / It’s all in the past time sure makes sure of that Like oceans will take castles down"
"Can’t gather a minute and try to relive it / It’s all in the past time sure makes sure of that Like oceans will take castles down"
"Can’t gather a minute and try to relive it / It’s all in the past time sure makes sure of that Like oceans will take castles down"
"Can’t gather a minute and try to relive it / It’s all in the past time sure makes sure of that Like oceans will take castles down"
"But in the middle of your heart / hidden out of sight / (a) tiny little spark / peaking through a smile / Could this be the start (of)"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Thank you Kevin! When I’m trying to come up with a rhyme I always just say the sound of the inside of the word and just start saying words out loud randomly. I have always liked soft rhymes and especially internal rhymes within sentences. "
(more)"a) Tiny little arc / beautiful and bright /hitting that mark starts... the notion etc.."
Beth Nielsen Chapman commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Bingo on "tiny little"!! sings soooo good...but "Part" is weak. You could also sing "little tiny" which several folks have written...but I've been waiting for someone to choose "tiny little" because the long "i" in front lays so much better on the melody! See how precise it can be? Makes all the difference. Now. Tiny little what? "
(more)"(a) tiny little part / I know I can find / A switch ta hit that starts"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"accent might fall weird on "di" vide..
could say "love can conquer all these sides" or the full line could be "Or figure how love can bring us back to life"... food for thought"
"I could shut my mouth/ try to take the high road / Or call you out / keep up the fight / 0r figure how /love can conquer this divide"
"I could shut my mouth/ try to take the high road / Or call you out / keep up the fight / 0r figure how /love can conquer this divide"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Good idea Kevin... but Beth needs three syllables there.. just like in first chorus "end-of-time". Also, the "of" is accented with melody there. So in opposing, the "sing" would get accented. But I definitely like the words!
"
"I could shut my mouth/ try to take the high road / Or call you out / keep up the fight / 0r figure how /love can conquer this divide"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Thank you TAM! And thanks Kevin for suggestions."
(more)"I could shut my mouth/ try to take the high road / Or call you out / keep up the fight / 0r figure how /love can conquer this divide"
"I could shut my mouth/ try to take the high road / Or call you out / keep up the fight / 0r figure how /love can conquer this divide"
Beth Nielsen Chapman commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"like how you did that internal rhyme with thumb and someone...!"
(more)"I could bite my tongue / like it doesn't matter Twirl my thumbs / stay on my side Or be someone defending what I know is right"
"I could bite my tongue / like it doesn't matter Twirl my thumbs / stay on my side Or be someone defending what I know is right"
"Won't play dumb / Pretend it doesn't matter / Turn and run / (then) cover my eyes / Won't become / Someone who will just stand by"
"Won't play dumb / Pretend it doesn't matter / Turn and run / (then) cover my eyes / Won't become / Someone who will just stand by"
"I won't go numb / Pretend it doesn't matter / Turn and run / Cover my eyes / (or) come undone / Just when we need to unite"
Beth Nielsen Chapman commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"like a lot of this! last line accents don't line up with the melody..."
(more)"I won't go numb / Pretend it doesn't matter / Turn and run / Cover my eyes / (or) come undone / Just when we need to unite"
"I won't go numb / Pretend it doesn't matter / Turn and run / Cover my eyes / (or) come undone / Just when we need to unite"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Thank you Kevin. I read your post that that you wrote to everyone. I certainly hope you are feeling better. This sounds like a very scary condition and quite challenging to say the least! I"m so sorry you have to deal with this. Take care of yourself. Enjoy the classes at Songtown.
"
"If we keep on keeping score / if we only wanna say touche’ /"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Lines are being drawn in the sand / Seems like everyone takin' sides / Shouting from where we stand / Maybe we’ll start listening in time"
(more)"Lines are being drawn in the sand Seems like everyone is on a side Shouting from where we stand Maybe we'll start listening in time"
"Lines are being drawn in the sand Seems like everyone is on a side Shouting from where we stand Maybe we'll start listening in time"
"In a world of black and white / Somehow all the gray has disappeared / How bout if we blur the lines / That's where love is gonna reappear"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Thanks Meredith. This write with Beth especially has been a very good reminder how to write for the masses ... and using these tips in order to have the best chance of a cut. Thanks!"
(more)"Can we remember how to smile / Maybe we can lighten up and try / Yeah it’s been a really long while / Hoping to convince you that I’m right"
"Can we remember how to smile / Maybe we can lighten up and try / Yeah it’s been a really long while / Hoping to convince you that I’m right"
"Can we remember how to smile / Maybe we can lighten up and try / Yeah it’s been a really long while / Hoping to convince you that I’m right"
"Well I'm a darn (damn) good shot hit ya where you feel it / Ready or not I'm getting inside / Up to us if we're gonna close this great divide"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"It would phrase like this:
If I could jump on in /
You know I would go there /
Sink or swim /
I’m not the quitting’ kind /
What’s that smile /
Baby do you think that I’m /
Never gonna change your mind
"
"If I could jump on in you know I would go there sink or swim.. I'm not the quitting' kind what's that smile Baby do you think that I'm Never gonna change your mind"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Thank you Lovie! Having fun here at Hookist! Hope you a e too! 💕"
(more)"If I could jump on in you know I would go there sink or swim.. I'm not the quitting' kind what's that smile Baby do you think that I'm Never gonna change your mind"
"If I could flip a switch / Light up all the darkness / Step on in / Maybe we'd find / Hope right there / You know the healing kind / But I'm never gonna change your mind"
"If I could flip a switch / Light up all the darkness / Step on in / Maybe we'd find / Hope right there / You know the healing kind / But I'm never gonna change your mind"
Beth Nielsen Chapman commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Great feel on the first two lines...also opens up a whole more broad field...but the next lines don't scan on the melody in a way that is as strong as I could be. Because you have "maybe we'd find" hanging off the cliff in a way that's not conversational....and "you know the healing kind"...which healing kind of what? it's just a little murky...but good stuff in it!! "
(more)"If I could flip a switch / Light up all the darkness / Step on in / Maybe we'd find / Hope right there / You know the healing kind / But I'm never gonna change your mind"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Got what you're saying.! To me the "maybe we'd find - hope right there" are so close in proximity that it doesn't feel like a cliff hanger to my ear... but I get what you're saying. And the healing kind relates to hope... Hope that we can heal from all the shit that is happening in our world right now.. and could also be applied to a relationship if you wanted V2 to skew like that.
"
"If I could flip a switch / Light up all the darkness / Step on in / Maybe we'd find / Hope right there / You know the healing kind / But I'm never gonna change your mind"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Got what you're saying.! To me the "maybe we'd find - hope right there" are so close in proximity that it doesn't feel like a cliff hanger to my ear... but I get what you're saying. And the healing kind relates to hope... Hope that we can heal from all the shit that is happening in our world right now.. and could also be applied to a relationship if you wanted V2 to skew like that.
"
"If I could flip a switch / Light up all the darkness / Step on in / Maybe we'd find / Hope right there / You know the healing kind / But I'm never gonna change your mind"
Beth Nielsen Chapman commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Actually the melody on "maybe we'd find" goes down on the word find...which indicates to my ears that it's the end of a sentence. Kind of like "pass me the salt". And the "hanging" feeling is as if you were to say "pass me the" and salt is in the next sentence.
Hope that's not too confusing!"
"If I could flip a switch / Light up all the darkness / Step on in / Maybe we'd find / Hope right there / You know the healing kind / But I'm never gonna change your mind"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"I do understand how you’re hearing it. Thanks Beth. You have quite a task going through all of these submissions!"
(more)"If I could flip a switch / Light up all the darkness / Step on in / Maybe we'd find / Hope right there / You know the healing kind / But I'm never gonna change your mind"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Sent too fast.. above submission has right phrasing
"
"I'm never gonna change your mind / But the wolf is at the door"
"I'm never gonna change your mind / its got a soul of its own"
"I'm never gonna change your mind / I'm not the blood runnin' through your veins"
"I’m never gonna change your mind / there’s no magic wand to wave for that"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Thank you! I’m interested in Beth’s instincts... what a great writer she is!"
(more)"I’m never gonna change your mind / Like the sun can’t touch the moon"
"I’m never gonna change your mind / Like the sun can’t touch the moon"
"I’m never gonna change your mind / Like the sun can’t touch the moon"
"I’m never gonna change your mind / Like the sun can’t touch the moon"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Thank you Beth! Looking forward to seeing this song take shape. I'm a BC survivor too, by the way. Thank goodness for treatments that CAN change the mind of that. 💕💕"
(more)"I’m never gonna change your mind / Like the sun can’t touch the moon"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Kevin, thank you so very much. I am so glad to hear your sister came through it all! You are insightful...I have had a lot of loss in my life and some love too... it all makes us who we are, right? Thank for your kind words."
(more)"I’m never gonna change your mind / Like the sun can’t touch the moon"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Kevin, I just read your bio. Wow! What a kind soul you appear to be. And the challenges of mastocytosis. Scary. I wish you the very best!"
(more)"I’m never gonna change your mind / Like the sun can’t touch the moon"
"But we soaked in way more than that West Texas sun / Learnin’ how lovers come, how lover’s come undone"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Maybe "We soaked IN way more than Texas sun...etc.." Up is used in the CH.
"
"But we soaked in way more than that West Texas sun / Learnin’ how lovers come, how lover’s come undone"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"tweak: We soaked in way more than Texas sunshine / Learnin’ how lovers come undone "
(more)"But we soaked in way more than that West Texas sun / Learnin’ how lovers come, how lover’s come undone"
Clay Mills commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Thanks for going back to the original rhyme scheme!
"
"But we soaked in way more than that West Texas sun / Learnin’ how lovers come, how lover’s come undone"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Thank you Marianne! And thanks Clay. Glad it worked.
"
"But we soaked in way more than that West Texas sun / Learnin’ how lovers come, how lover’s come undone"
Clay Mills commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Jayne, save this stuff and let's see if you can get this concept into 2nd verse.
"
"not a day that I'd re-do / I found my heart when it found you / ya left me but left me knowing that / ain't one kiss I'd take back"
"That glass of champaign was spillin' over / Like our love a shame it wouldn't last"
Clay Mills commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Internal rhymes and unique angle/idea for the song! 😃
"
"She's Gonna Wanna Thank You (concept could be that everything he's learned will help his next relationship)"
"She's Gonna Wanna Thank You (concept could be that everything he's learned will help his next relationship)"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Thank you G.T... nice of you!
This is a fun way to keep exercising the writing muscle! Thank you!!"
"She's Gonna Wanna Thank You (concept could be that everything he's learned will help his next relationship)"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Thank you HeatherLeAnn! So nice of you! And thank you all!"
(more)"Found that picture from El Paso / you’re in the middle of a laugh"
"cuz life - could be crazy good to share (with)"
Marty Dodson commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Love the simplicity of this. It feels real and honest!"
(more)"I could get used to this each night ending with your kiss"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Thanks so much G.T. Appreciate it! You"re doing great!
And thank you Marty!!!"
"I could get used to this each night ending with your kiss"
"I - wanna know you by heart / This- could be just the start"
"Love - never thought I'd find it/ You - led me right to it (or: into it)"
"You - found my heart just waitin' / open Who --- wouldn't call this fate"
Marty Dodson commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"I like this, but probably want to stay all positive about her."
(more)"I -- thought my heart was dying you -- brought it back to life"
"I wanna know you til I know you by heart Let’s start forever right here in my arms"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"it could end with "and I ain"t a lightweight" for a different personality."
(more)"Each time we kiss it's like the finest champaign/ The room spins a little you get to me that way"
"Each time we kiss it's like the finest champaign/ The room spins a little you get to me that way"
"Let’s shut the curtains/ even block out the moon/ I'm lovin' concentratin' only on you"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"pick up words in writing terms! NOT his pick up words!"
(more)"No word invented Baby I swear (Whatcha) pretty is doing to my heart here (next to) someone so rare ( ) means pick up words"
"There ain't no word/ Webster has shared/ For your kind of beauty /Yeah in my arms here/ you're someone so rare"
Marty Dodson commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"This is cool, Jayne! Way to work Mr. Webster in!"
(more)"There ain't no word/ Webster has shared/ For your kind of beauty /Yeah in my arms here/ you're someone so rare"
"Your body’s like silk/ floating on air/ I’m wrapped in your love/ baby I swear You’re someone so rare"
"Your body's like silk/ Floatin' on air/ A heart made of gold/ a treasure I swear /you're someone so rare"
"Your body's like silk/ Floatin' on air/ A heart made of gold/ a treasure I swear /you're someone so rare"
"I fall each time/you kiss me I swear/- there's gotta be magic in this midnight air/ you're someone so rare"
Marty Dodson commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"Cool stuff and fits the sexy vibe we have going!"
(more)"Someone so rare/ wanna know every part/and uncover em slow/ down to your beautiful heart"
Marty Dodson commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"I like the "just ask my heart" piece. Thinking on this.
"
"Someone so rare Deep in my arms Dreams do come true Just ask my heart"
jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"The setup could be: “no one will ever compare..
I’m fallin’ right here for someone so rare”"
"Someone so rare/ Eyes are like gold/ The way that they're smiling/ Baby I'm sold/ Your hands are like silk/ Your kiss midnight smooth/ I could stay here forever/ My arms deep around you / Now no one will ever compare to someone so rare"
"The heat we got going is meltin' these sheets / Your touch is golden whatcha doing to me"
"The heat we got going is meltin' these sheets / Your touch is golden whatcha doing to me"
"Musta been the wind but I thought it was your whisper"
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jaynesachs commented on jaynesachs' lyric:
"“On” the American underground
(more)I meant"
"Lies fall like rain/ and rain’s coming down in the American underground"