"When you cannot hold your loved ones / When you cannot touch a hand / When you're feelin' lost and lonely / And you don't quite understand"
"In everything I do I will carry you"
"In the depths of the pain, on the brink of insane, we reach for the pulse in our hearts"
Marti Dodson commented on MariaJack's lyric:
"Hi MariaJack! I think I understand what you're saying-I use this technique sometimes but often place it in the bridge since the chorus that comes next is broken down a lot of the time!"
(more)"If I see tomorrow, I will leave my sorrow... ( a beat/pause here and then goes down) Behind / (three beats to pick it back up) And I'll say the... (I'm pausing for a second here and going to a lower key on "behind" for affect. I think it gives the last chorus something a bit different and lifts the chorus even higher going in.) ? Confusing?"
"And I need to let your know That I'll be doing the best I can But I'll be missing things..."
jaynesachs commented on MariaJack's lyric:
"I do like this. I"m thinking these are all "resoltuion" thoughts... like the last thing we would hear from the character in the song... stuff for the conclusion. Does that make sense? Because what more is there to say besides something beuatiful like this?"
(more)"And as I watch the light fade away from your eyes / I'm searching for whys and what ifs and goodbyes / Love only gets stronger the farther you go down the line... And I'm missing things / And it feels like everything"
jaynesachs commented on MariaJack's lyric:
"What an awesome line "Grief is just love with nowhere to go"!"
(more)"And grief is just love with nowhere to go / But you're here right now and I hope you know / The love of a mother is a love we never outgrow Yeah, I'm missing things / And it feels like everything"
jaynesachs commented on MariaJack's lyric:
"Oh wow. I really love that. It’s so true. Thanks Keith for the research!"
(more)"And grief is just love with nowhere to go / But you're here right now and I hope you know / The love of a mother is a love we never outgrow Yeah, I'm missing things / And it feels like everything"
jaynesachs commented on MariaJack's lyric:
"Wow! I wonder who said it. It’s great that Jamie Anderson got back to you’"
(more)"And grief is just love with nowhere to go / But you're here right now and I hope you know / The love of a mother is a love we never outgrow Yeah, I'm missing things / And it feels like everything"
jaynesachs commented on MariaJack's lyric:
"I’m still liking Your first line. Not sure if it’s bridge or more of a resolution thought."
(more)"I'm searching for whys and what ifs and goodbyes / As these memories are welling right up in my eyes / And you drift in and out of the here and the now with me... I'm missing things / And it feels like everything..."
"I remember you lifting me up so that I could reach The first time I placed that gold star on our Christmas tree"
"We still have the star from the top of that Christmas tree I remember you lifting me up so I'd be able to reach..."
jaynesachs commented on MariaJack's lyric:
"I'm being picky with you here because you can handle it and are a very good writer! I like what you're saying but I feel like the picture thought in your second line could maybe be a bridge thought. Since this verse (verse 2) is being followed directly by chorus 2... all thoughts I feel should lead to the son saying "I'm missing things... what if it's everything... God knows I'm not prepared I'm so scared.. etc.."
So to my thinking, I feel like the verse should be memories he's having that lead him to realize he is really going to miss his mom... not future stuff. Does that make sense?"
"I still have those trains, your grandsons now play with them When they're older, I'll give them that picture you keep by your bed"
jaynesachs commented on MariaJack's lyric:
"I would leave the dad part out and make the entire verse about his memories. Be intimate. These are the things he is getting ready to miss forever "
(more)"I remember you laughing in the kitchen most every night With dad looking on, back when everything was alright"
jaynesachs commented on MariaJack's lyric:
"I like the image of the first line. I’d stick with all memories of her so we get a good sense of what he’s going to miss about his mom. "
(more)"I remember you laughing in the kitchen most every night Dad would smile too as he looked on at you back when everything was alright"
jaynesachs commented on MariaJack's lyric:
"Really sweet thoughts. I feel like we’re wanting to hear from the son in verse 2. It’s probably not a duet so therefore we’d have to say “she said”
If we use your verse. When the chorus comes back around, it would be cool
If those words are now coming from
him. That was the thought behind that chorus anyway. 😘"
"I remember the first time you slept in your big boy bed Almost made it to morning but awoke up to your sleepy head,,, Dad and I smiled..."
jaynesachs commented on MariaJack's lyric:
"Oops... we’d have to say “you said” not she said."
(more)"I remember the first time you slept in your big boy bed Almost made it to morning but awoke up to your sleepy head,,, Dad and I smiled..."
jaynesachs commented on MariaJack's lyric:
"“ We’re both searching for whys and what ifs and goodbyes” is a cool line!"
(more)"I feel so lonely now And I can see in your eyes that you feel it too We're both searching for whys and what ifs and goodbyes But we're not ready yet... Yeah we're both missing things"
jaynesachs commented on MariaJack's lyric:
"It’s fine!! I knew what you meant! I like the idea of lonely”. I’m glad you suggested it... it has really gotten me thinking about the real tough and honest emotions both of these characters would be feeling. and I think lonely might be one. "
(more)"I feel so lonely... and you're looking lost And the fear is so real when the memory's been tossed And the heart starts to break but it still feels the love When you it wakes... (Can't stop adding a line. Sorry. Not sorry!:))"
jaynesachs commented on MariaJack's lyric:
"I like a lot of this. I would challenge you (just for fun) ... write a chorus of just all emotions. The first line about being scared (both she and her son could say that) And it’s so real! What other emotions would these people be experiencing? "
(more)"And it makes me feel scared When I see in your face that you’re in the same pain as me The names and the places, familiar faces, and the times we shared… (I took the liberty of adding an extra line.)"
jaynesachs commented on MariaJack's lyric:
"I like that I can picture the newborn in her lap. Gives me something to see. I Wonder if the newborn could be him... the son... the singer? If he’s right next to his mom and she’s looking at a picture of him as a baby and she’s struggling to remember his name, I think that could be powerful."
(more)"Your tears hit the glass, our newborn in your lap and I knew You just couldn’t bring up her name but you knew that she loved you too And now your…"
"Your tears hit the glass, our newborn in your lap and I knew You just couldn’t bring up her name but you knew that she loved you too And now your…"
jaynesachs commented on MariaJack's lyric:
"I like this! I wish I could see what her tears dropped on. Was it her being held as a child or ...? I think it could be cool to take the “washing over the past” and show us. You’re such a creative writer. I’d love to see what you come up with!"
(more)"Your tears hit that glass washing over the past and I knew You just couldn't bring up her name but you knew that she loved you too And now your..."
"As you sat on the edge of the bed not letting me in"
jaynesachs commented on MariaJack's lyric:
"Hey hey!!!! Nice line. I’d love it if you could give that same thought again but with imagery. Ie.. what would it look like or what would she be doing that would lead him to believe that something has changed. Love the soft rhyme there with “then”"
(more)"Something had changed and you just weren't the same woman then"
"When you cannot hold your loved ones / When you cannot touch a hand / When you're feelin' lost and lonely / And you don't quite understand"
"What if we turn this all around / turn this heartache upside down / to save us/ then make it contagious"
Morgan Myles commented on MariaJack's lyric:
"love that this is question... simple but we can go deep with this!"
(more)"What If"
"In everything I do I will carry you"
"In the depths of the pain, on the brink of insane, we reach for the pulse in our hearts"
Marti Dodson commented on MariaJack's lyric:
"Hi MariaJack! I think I understand what you're saying-I use this technique sometimes but often place it in the bridge since the chorus that comes next is broken down a lot of the time!"
(more)"If I see tomorrow, I will leave my sorrow... ( a beat/pause here and then goes down) Behind / (three beats to pick it back up) And I'll say the... (I'm pausing for a second here and going to a lower key on "behind" for affect. I think it gives the last chorus something a bit different and lifts the chorus even higher going in.) ? Confusing?"
Marti Dodson commented on MariaJack's lyric:
"I like 'meet tomorrow'-unique turn of phrase!
"
"Every heartbeat reminds me / of all that's behind me / But I'll meet tomorrow without any sorrow knowing you're here by my side"
Marti Dodson commented on MariaJack's lyric:
"I like 'meet tomorrow'-unique turn of phrase!
"
"Every heartbeat reminds me / of all that's behind me / But I'll meet tomorrow without any sorrow knowing you're here by my side"
"The past is behind me / I'll meet every tomorrow without any sorrow weighing my happiness (or tenderness) down"
Beth Nielsen Chapman commented on MariaJack's lyric:
"GOOD phrasing...but many many unanswered questions:
Yeah I could call you out, (GOOD)
show you by the numbers
(show me what?)
Scream and shout, ( GOOD)
beg you to try (try what?)
With no doubt,
I could make you wonder why
(make me wonder why what?)
But I’m never gonna change your mind
GREAT on phrasing and great pictures...just needs to be conversational and airtight. Meaningwise this is still porous....!!"
"Yeah I could call you out, show you by the numbers / Scream and shout, beg you to try / With no doubt, I could make you wonder why / But I'm never gonna change your mind"
"Yeah I can call you out, show you all the numbers / Scream and shout, point out all the lies / With no doubt, pull those ideas under with time / But I'm never gonna change your mind"
Beth Nielsen Chapman commented on MariaJack's lyric:
"applying vocal modulation can be a good thing in small creative ways if the seams of the lyric don't feel pulled over the melody. it should roll right off your tongue."
(more)"You say I’m never gonna change your mind / With your feet firm on the ground / But if the moon can turn the tide / Baby you can turn around (When I sing this, applying vocal modulation (?) it is 10/9 10/9 - O-N and GROU-OUND - TUR-URN and TI-IDE - TUR-URN and AH-ROU-OUND.)"
Beth Nielsen Chapman commented on MariaJack's lyric:
"Glad you mentioned "ruffles" Maria! It depends on the individual melody and the phrasing but in general I'm pretty strict about fitting over the melody without pulling the seams of the lyrics to do it. The lyric should be a beautiful well fitting piece of clothing fitting over the body of the melody with no puckering seams!"
(more)"You say I'm never gonna change your mind / But there's something you should know / If the moon can turn the tide / There's no telling where the wind might blow ( I know the syllables are sketchy but I'm singing MOON and the end of TURN with what I technically call "ruffles" which to me, gives those words an extra syllable.) :)"
Beth Nielsen Chapman commented on MariaJack's lyric:
"ohh..like this...try it as the third line and have lines 2 & 4 rhyme"
(more)"You say I'm never gonna change your mind / But if the moon can change the tide"
Song Stats
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My Lyrics
jaynesachs commented on MariaJack's lyric:
"Nice!"
(more)"And I need to let your know That I'll be doing the best I can But I'll be missing things..."