He mumbles and scratches out lists on the trees / And draws golden angels in the snow with his pee

‘with his pee’ not ‘he pee’

How about: “He mumbles and scratches out lists on the trees; and draws golden angels in snow with he pee” This rewrite has better flow; do you think it works as well Matt?

i think this is just great, matt

I can picture this in my mind, really great!

pamby1says:
December 12, 2015 at 8:01 pm

Thanks!!

Trying to share as much as possible!

Matt4_4says:
December 12, 2015 at 2:49 pm

Cool! It’s very funny — and very clear vivid image! Glad you are enjoying it! Spread the word! We are really a proof of concept that look on a life of its own bc if all the awesome talented folks who showed up) but we’re still a bit if a secret out there! The more the merrier!

*wandering

Matt4_4says:
December 12, 2015 at 9:01 am

I think I like this one even better given the image of santa wondering the woods and almost carving lists into the trees! Second line could also be “Drawing gold angels while taking a wee” but I think Brad’s suggestion is probably best. Cheers everyone this is really fun.

Matt4_4says:
December 12, 2015 at 9:01 am

11 replies on “He mumbles and scratches out lists on the trees / And draws golden angels in the snow with his pee”

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