jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"Great question!!! We’ll answer next week!"

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"Nice. I think you created this thought first in the Facebook thread. I made a note of it"

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"I do like that first phrase. But I think the next line either needs to rhyme with hand or be a longer phrase to be able to end with a hand rhyme. Or sometimes it you use the path word, the ear wants to hear additional “ath” rhymes in a longer phrase to take the attention off of the news to hear a hand rhyme.
Ie...
Walk with you on this path even if you can’t come back...
But then you also have to consider that this last line writes into the words “missing things”
That’s a big order!!!"

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"If you put that line on the chorus, it could work too as part of a bigger line that incorporates internal rhymed with “tear”"

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"The lift melody can change if need be. I like this angle. Are you saying that he is afraid of missing things in general or
Afraid of missing moments that his mom is clear and they’re able to connect? If it’s the latter, that’s another way of using missing things which could be good.

"

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"And if it’s the latter, when his mom is “clear” what’s that like? What would she do to let him know she’s there? We just heard the lyrics:
But I can only watch you go
So I just want to hold your hand
(Wait for you to break through again)
-But how can that be described?"

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"Don’t worry about extra beats or even words. When It comes to the end of a line like this Chris can tweak melody. In this case the line is more important.
I wasn’t suggesting replacing what you sent already but you could. Whatever it takes to dig in to that emotion. I like “and when the real you shines (breaks) through... “ just not sure yet "

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"I like this idea. I think it was you who said that you try to concentrate on the minutes or days that are good because it can change so fast... so you live for those times. "

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"It might be a line for later in the section... I think this section needs a set up line first before a thought like that "

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"Like the line that you have here"

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"I like this as it leaves room for somethings else because you say “even if”. "

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"Yes and that’s exactly what a line like that does!!!"

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"Really sweet. Every tear that you dried... every time you forgave. Those are awesome."

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"This is your best TAM! Wow."

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"I like this but I loved the “every” in there. Words that repeat like that give the listener that extra reason to pay attention because it’s usually something emotional that follows. So you did that naturally!! The thanking her is truly a nice thought but I feel that is a resolution thought that would come
closer to the end."

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"I think these ARE missing things. I’ve been looking more for emotions more than actual memories. We’ve covered a few memories in the verse and we have a chance to maybe do more after this bridge... but for the bridge we’re looking for real heart felt emotion."

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"You are on the right track with not giving specific memories... but just things about the mother the son will miss."

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"Yes I get cha! The things when life was normal. That’s exactly what I’m looking for! "

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"I like this idea of staying in the moment. Maybe that is a good angle for bridge. Hmmm"

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"I like coconut pies. It is a real thing that he would miss! Keep going! You’ve dealt with this or are dealing with it so pull up all your emotions. You’re doing so great!"

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"This is so conversational and real! Good job!!"

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"Proud of you!!"

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"My absolute pleasure!"

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"Cool thoughts"

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"These are really nice thoughts. And you're doing great with writing to melody! I feel like this might be more of a bridge thought. It's a "resolution" type thought. Verse two is still letting the story unfold... ie.. his memories of his mom since it's going back into the chorus which is him now saying "I'm missing things". Bridges in a song are a fantastic place to add another thought about the situation and what you've written here is him saying "I'll love you always" and that's more of a resolution thought."

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"Love all these thoughts!’ I think there’s a place for those thoughts in this song. I think we are going to have a lot of thoughtful stuff for the bridge. Very powerful!"

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"I think I totally understand. It’s such a great reminder to live in THE moment because the next moment or later that day she might not remember. It’s such a powerful thought,"

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"If you try to word it in a way that isn’t like a “lyric” or poem, sometimes the emotion strikes so much deeper. How you would say it to another person getting ready to experience what you already have gone through might be the way to go. Forget trying to be creative with it. Just speak. And then deal with putting those honest thoughts into song form. But first just write the thought. That’s what will hit the heart."

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"I hope it’s helpful in some way. But keep in mind we are crafting in a specific way although I think good song craft transcends genres. But country craft is very conversational and unlike some other genres, it doesn’t leave much for interpretation, it’s so challenging."

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"I’ll talk with you as much as you want!! As far as getting the thought into the needed structure... I know it can be hard. It definitely takes practice. I’m glad you start with your basic thoughts! Just even a sentence of what you’re trying to express... not a lyric yet.. just a sentence. Just keep reminding yourself of that basic thought and don’t try to be too clever with it, Know the rhyme that you’re shooting for and see what word has that rhyme but is descriptive somehow of your basic thought. If you’re trying to express the need to live in the moment because your mom may not remember it in the following moments, then make that your “basic thought”. Above you said “ all you can do is to try to create moments of joy or love that day -- and often by the end of that same day, she's already forgotten those very moments even happened. But they did happen. And that love happened in those moments,”
“Moment” is a word that is in there, Also “create, love, forgotten”... try picking one of those words and write a line beginning or ending with it. What you wrote that I just quoted is SO good and I FEEL that so much more than lines trying too hard. Get the thought down first and worry about the rhyme later. Not sure if that is helping or not but feel free to ask me anything!"

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"Great job syncing this with melody! Nice images too!"

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"Nice thoughts TAM. Might be helpful to go back to listen to Chris's melody of verse one because we are trying our best to match it. ie.. this fits better:
verse 1 "I remember you crying-- that one night --at 3am"
verse 2 "I try to take moments--and hold each--one in my heart
Does this make sense? "

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"I like “I‘m not that strong” ... it’s emotional "

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"Interesting. I like that lead in “you’re here with me but I’m missing things!"

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"Ah, The fact that this hits home makes it very real. "

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"I like the line “all I know will be gone” and “you’re here with me” "

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"Ah TAM so sorry you are going through something similar. I wish you the best with that situation. I like the idea of each other being able to see the fear or pain in each other’s eyes. That’s moving."

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"This is interesting. Both people could say that about each other which enables the chorus to keep the same words but the perspective changes based on who is saying them. I like your internal rhymes on eyes and mine! I am wondering how the first line could be with a rhyme or even a soft rhyme to “things” ie... memories, everything ,etc...
Good job!"

jaynesachs commented on TAM's lyric:

"I like the concept of being further and further away!"

Beth Nielsen Chapman commented on TAM's lyric:

"I like the story here...get a sense of who these people are...it's still in need of a few tweeks...

LOVE hard to hear...but what's hard to hear? So much stronger to be specific!

Here's another approach just inspired by a few snippets of what you wrote...notice how it fits perfectly with the melody with no extra syllables or accents in the wrong place...

"The truth has never lost to fear
It'll wait forever to be known
Till the moment that it all comes clear
Flowing like a river over stone"

or

"The truth is never lost in fear
It waits until it's moment to be known
Shining with it's light so clear
Flowing like a river over stone"

See how this opens us up to a whole new vista?? and we can go from this to the next section feeling like we really went somewhere...this is what I'm looking for.

"